Keyboards of Destruction
by Sundial-Solaris
Summary: Holding grudges, the members of the Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy families wage war on each other. Their greatest weapon? Fanfiction. But when writing becomes reality and fangirls announce dominion, what results is pointless stupidity.


**Keyboards of Destruction**

**Summary**: Holding grudges, the members of the Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy families wage war on each other. Their greatest weapon? Fanfiction. But when writing becomes reality and fangirls announce dominion, the result will certainly not be a fairytale ending.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Kingdom Hearts nor Final Fantasy.

**Author's Notes**: I really have nothing to say right now. O.o Oh, this story contains extreme OOC and crack. Don't like, don't read. Flamers will be set on fire by Axel and subsequently put out by Demyx, and then sent for anger management courses along with dear Saix. . Enjoy! My mind isn't functioning rationally at this time, so take time to read its twisted contents. R&R pleez!

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**Chapter I: But I didn't eat the gummi worms!**

"ZEXION!"

The voice was horrifyingly high-pitched, and reminded the lilac-haired nobody what he was about to face. No, not a banshee, but Vexen. Vexen the scientist. Seeing the old man standing at the end of the dimly illuminated hallway, a crazed look in his eyes and clutching a test tube with neon pink liquid in it certainly wasn't the sight the schemer was expecting when he was half-way to the kitchen to steal the remnants of Lexaeus' nonbirthday cake. Just thinking about the delicious sponge cake made his mouth water. Not that Lexaeus had allowed him to taste the cake. "I want it to myself," he had murmured. This caused the sixth to be rife with jealousy, especially when the fifth promised to share it with his pet, Mr. Rocky. Not that Mr. Rocky actually had a mouth anyway.

"ZEXIONNNNNNN..."

It was eerie, and sounded, as each second passed, more and more like the shrieking of a female banshee, which was what Zexion originally thought the noise was, than that of the old nobody who worked at the lab. Zexion tilted his head and examined the angry Vexen carefully. Raising his hands slowly in false surrender, he took a few steps backwards, and halted right at the entrance to the Superior's room door. "I didn't dye your socks pink, Vexen! I'm being extremely honest!" Zexion vehemently protested, feeling the cold wood of the room door on his back. The elder nobody raised the test tube dramatically into the air, then placed it down near his waist and sighed. "I'm really getting too old for this...ZEXION!" Vexen's voice suddenly rose by a few pitches. "As your SENIOR, I ORDER you to tell me where you hid the GUMMI WORMS."

_Flashback Moment._

No one noticed the cloth bag with its squishy contents. No one noticed the bag lying by its lonesome on the living room couch of the Castle that Never Was, the bag with the red gift tag. On the gift tag was messily scrawled. "The yearly tribute to the Final Fantasy people, from the Kingdom Hearts people." It was signed by both Xemnas and Sora. This was the only time of the year that they actually worked together. At actual, usual, typical moments, they wanted to rip each other apart, and Sora was the worst. Xemnas, as he had said when he made appearances on several talkshows and posted on several self-help forums, just wanted his heart back. Sora was just looking for a fight. "I heard he extorts money from heartless!" Xemnas had gossiped to several women's magazines.

Enough about Xemnas and women's magazines.

Anyway, the Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts worlds were in alliance. Final Fantasy, being 'older', assumed that the yearly 'tribute' given by the Kingdom Hearts family to be bigger, and this year, Sora had decided to get them a bag of gummi worms. Multicoloured gummi worms, a treat indeed. From chewing them in movie cinemas to snacking on them at random moments, sugary, stretchable flavoured worm-shaped candy was a rare delicacy which the secretly sugar-addicted Zexion wanted very much to try. The bag just looked so tempting, and he could just imagine its squishy contents going down his throat. So, when no one was looking, number six carefully picked up the tribute bag and slipped it into his cloak. Whistling to the tune of 'I'm Too Sexy', Zexy strolled down the whitewashed corridors, a guilty smile fakely plastered on his face. Usually, the Zexion the Organization knew was more of a 'stone', who rarely smiled. But when he had candy...oh it was an entirely different matter.

Reaching his room, Zexion set the bag down and dumped its contents out on the bedspread. Making sure the door was locked, he examined the stack of gummi worms that lay pooled on his bed. The luminous candy annelids looked so very very tempting.

The next thing he knew, the entire bag of gummi worms were down his throat. He felt full.

_End Flashback Moment._

Zexion blinked, and then he blinked again. Vexen stared at him in contempt. "The Superior knows that you ate the gummi worms, Zexion. Don't deny it!" Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead and dripped onto his leather coat. "Really, Vexen, what has gotten into you?" Zexion began, and prepared to make a run for it. Just then, the door behind him was flung open and Zexion found himself face to face with a seething Superior, his neon orange eyes boring into number six. "And where do you think you're going, Zexion?" Xemnas said threateningly, his face darkening a few shades. "I was just about to, um, clean the restrooms, dear Superior!" Zexion quickly muttered. "And why would the restrooms need cleaning at two in the morning, thirty-four minutes and fifty seconds?" Xemnas said calculatively. "Because, because...I really must take my leave." Zexion said, and turned and prepared to run, before he was yanked abruptly back by the hood of his Organization coat.

"And where do you think you're going, gummi worm thief?"

Xemnas inquired sweetly.

"But I didn't eat the gummi worms!" Zexion blurted. Both Xemnas and Vexen looked at Zexion as if he had just made a big revelation. "Dear Zexion. Dear, dear Zexion. I didn't ask you if you ate the gummi worms, but simply if you took them. But now, at least we know what befell my precious candy annelids." Xemnas said, before looking at his boots, and declaring, "This is a disaster! How are we going to pay this year's tribute to those Final Fantasy people?! Cloud Strife will have my head for sure, and so will that Leon--" "They're not matches for you." Vexen said, trying to encourage Xemnas, but failing miserably.

"Cloud Strife defeated Sephiroth! SEPHIROTH! Do you know how powerful that one-winged freak is?!"

Xemnas said, using the word 'freak' for the hundredth time that day.

"But...at least he's merciful."

Vexen said nervously, recalling the time Saix was sent by Xemnas to kill Sephiroth. Sephiroth had been half-asleep on that day, and had thus sliced a gash in the back of his coat and giving number seven a rude shock by pulling his underwear over his head. And this was how he returned from his mission, and it was revealed to the Organization that seven was fond of Elmo from Sesame Street. After all, it was printed all over his underwear. He had denied all accusations, and made a few of them himself. He had accused the underwear of being Xemnas', and that the Superior had lent it to him when the intern had accidentally dyed his laundry a bright green. Xemnas had argued back, and for a moment, they sounded like a PMS-ing wedded, cranky couple, except that both denied the others' accusations that they were homosexual, which was, of course, not true. Not true indeed. The Organization had left them alone after that, knowing in their minds that something was amiss.

Xemnas was still in a state of shock as he paced around the room. "Today's the day the Final Fantasy representative arrives to collect the tribute! What are we supposed to do, Zexion? What?!" he yelled.

Zexion shifted uncomfortably and shrugged.

"We could always tell--"

Then the doorbell rang. Yes, the Final Fantasy representative had arrived, obviously to collect the tribute. They always came at the strangest of times, and the Superior suspected that they were vampires. Anyway, Sora, who had been staying over in the castle, arrived at the door to greet the representative. "Hello, how do you do?" Said the brown-haired girl at the doorway. Her hair was in pleats and it was tied with a pink ribbon. She was, of course, Aerith Gainsborough, also known as the nicest woman in Hollow Bastion. Obviously, this couldn't be that bad...could it? Aerith smiled. "Yes, I'm here to collect the tribute in exchange for the battered plushie we sent you last week." "Oh, sure!" Sora said, heading back to the main corridor, where Xemnas, Zexion and Vexen were. "Where's the bag of gummi worms?" Sora asked.

"Zexion ate it."

Sora turned a beet red. "WHAT?! How are we supposed to pay the tribute then?!"

The rest simply shrugged. "We're prepared for war, that's what. Those Final Fantasy people always hold grudges...who's the representative this time?" "Aerith Gainsborough." "What? She's really nice. Tell her we'll give her the tribute next week." Xemnas said. "I'm currently doing a part-time job aside from villainy. I work at Wal-Mart." The Superior admitted. Sora nodded and went back to Aerith. "Well?" The woman said, smiling sweetly. "Could we give it to you next week? Zexion ate it..." Sora said. Aerith was silent for a few moments, and the smile dropped off her face. "WHAT?! SEPHIROTH SAID HE'D KILL ME IF I DON'T BRING HIM THE TRIBUTE TODAY!" Aerith shrieked, slapping Sora across the face. "I'M NOT GOING TO DIE TWICE BECAUSE OF YOU! I WILL STEAL MONEY AND GET THE WORMS MYSELF! OH, AND THIS IS WAR!" Aerith screamed, and slapped Sora again, before storming out the door and slamming it in her wake.

Meanwhile, the Organization were roused from their dreams and they all walked towards the scene of the commotion, finding a battered Sora standing there, alone and in a state of shock. Stiff, Sora collapsed on the floor with a muffled thump. "I think his heart stopped." Axel muttered. "Then he'll be a nobody, like us!" Larxene cackled. "ENOUGH!" Xemnas' voice boomed throughout the corridor. "Because Zexion ate the gummi worm tributes, he'll think of a way that we can fend off the attacking Final Fantasy characters. This is already war, and we have to stop it at all costs! Even if it costs me my job at Wal-Mart! And the costs of ice-cream!" The rest stared at him blankly. "Nevermind. Zexion! You are the schemer. Do you have any ideas?" Zexion thought about it for a moment, before smiling wickedly.

"Have I told you about this site I've found...?"


End file.
